Why did I enter this race?

OK the good news is that I have done 5K outside today for the first time ever with PT, the bad news is that it did not go well. It took me 50 mins and 47 seconds. I am not that bothered about the time what I am really worried about is how difficult I found it.
Interestingly enough the difficulty came from the surface I was running on, I am the most uncoordinated person on the planet, so running in an uneven muddy surface was hard!!!
I kept thinking that I was going to fall.

PT was not impressed to say the least and for the first time I could see he thought I was not going to do it on the day alone....

I will do it on the day even if I just walk all the way but I will think twice next time before entering such an event.

I am going running outside again on Sunday with DH so hopefully I will get used to it.

I am back....and I have put on weight!

Weight 104.5 Kg Goal:70Kg Still need to loose: 34.5Kg

After a long absence, it has been the saddest 10 days of my life, I am back. How do you deal with bad news? Well I just ate and ate... I am trying to get back to where I was but I am struggling with motivation.
The gym has been hard to get back into it...How can I go from my best work out ever to my worst in 2 weeks? PT was not too impressed...and he keeps reminding me of the stupid 2 pounds I have put on. I had to do sit ups and in front of everyone in the gym yesterday....I felt so awkward! I am sure everyone was looking at the fat girl all sweaty trying to do sit ups....

At least if it stops here and I lose them quickly it will only be a bleep...

It is getting expensive!

I spent the day shopping and I still get a thrill when I fit into a size 18 so it ended up being very expensive. Funnily enough it is probably most women s nightmare to be a size 18 but after being a lot bigger it feels great...

I have put a bet with DH he needs to lose 10Kg and I need some motivation for the next stone so here it is: Whoever loses the weight firsts (Him 10Kg,Me 7Kg well it is easier for men...) gets £100. It is all meant in good spirit of course.

I went to the gym today again but I did take it easier especially as I am due again tomorrow with PT.



I have a moral dilemma: I have a friend who wants to do the 5Km with me, she just wants to walk the whole course.The issue is for me this is becoming a personal challenge I want to run at least part of it. She is a lot smaller than me but not very fit: I could do with the company but at the same time I want to do it at my pace. What shall I do?



Tomorrow we should get the confirmation that we are going ahead with the IUI. I am doing my best to distract myself and not think of the treatment or what we will do afterwards if t does not work.

6 Stones and 5 Km...

Weight 103.5Kg Goal:70Kg Still need to loose: 33.5Kg

I have done it I have run 5Km for the 2nd time in my life and this time in 42mins 39 sec, 2mins better than I did it in last. It was tough and after the first 2.5Km I just wanted to give up and go home but as always my PT would not have any of it... I do think that if it was not for the constant motivation, encouragement or plain annoying remarks of my PT I would have never made it so far: I have lost 6 stones, it has taken 2 years and really the biggest achievement is that I have not stopped I kept going. I had long periods where my weight stayed the same because my food was bad but I kept up the exercise and kept going...
I keep being asked if I am happy about losing the weight? Am I happy? Yes of course I am but I still have so much to lose that I just want to keep going. My absolutely biggest fear is that I will have a binge and then that develops into a days of appalling food then 2-3 days then what is the point it becomes a whole week of take aways.............so I am happy but I am also scared.
The funny thing is that people keep asking me for tips about how to lose weight in reality I am the last person you should ask about it yes I have lost 6 stones but it has taken 2 years...
Anyway I have to face another restaurant this evening with friends: why is my social life always linked with food?

No ivf again this time...

Unfortunately it looks like another ivf cycle that has to be abandoned due to poor response...Difficult to take in, we are reviewing our options at the moment....We are converting this cycle to an IUI.
On top of that although the food has been very good lately I have been spending time imagining all sorts of food I would like to have I am having a fixation on chips with lots of salt and vinegar.Of course the proper ones from the chippie and not the oven ones.... Also Krispy Kreme donuts I am spending a lot of time at work thinking about them........

Of course the worst possible time will be the 2 weeks after the iui waiting to see if it has worked.