Weight Loss

Saturday 26 April 2008

I am back....and I have put on weight!

Weight 104.5 Kg Goal:70Kg Still need to loose: 34.5Kg

After a long absence, it has been the saddest 10 days of my life, I am back. How do you deal with bad news? Well I just ate and ate... I am trying to get back to where I was but I am struggling with motivation.
The gym has been hard to get back into it...How can I go from my best work out ever to my worst in 2 weeks? PT was not too impressed...and he keeps reminding me of the stupid 2 pounds I have put on. I had to do sit ups and in front of everyone in the gym yesterday....I felt so awkward! I am sure everyone was looking at the fat girl all sweaty trying to do sit ups....

At least if it stops here and I lose them quickly it will only be a bleep...

Sunday 13 April 2008

It is getting expensive!

I spent the day shopping and I still get a thrill when I fit into a size 18 so it ended up being very expensive. Funnily enough it is probably most women s nightmare to be a size 18 but after being a lot bigger it feels great...

I have put a bet with DH he needs to lose 10Kg and I need some motivation for the next stone so here it is: Whoever loses the weight firsts (Him 10Kg,Me 7Kg well it is easier for men...) gets £100. It is all meant in good spirit of course.

I went to the gym today again but I did take it easier especially as I am due again tomorrow with PT.



I have a moral dilemma: I have a friend who wants to do the 5Km with me, she just wants to walk the whole course.The issue is for me this is becoming a personal challenge I want to run at least part of it. She is a lot smaller than me but not very fit: I could do with the company but at the same time I want to do it at my pace. What shall I do?



Tomorrow we should get the confirmation that we are going ahead with the IUI. I am doing my best to distract myself and not think of the treatment or what we will do afterwards if t does not work.

Saturday 12 April 2008

6 Stones and 5 Km...

Weight 103.5Kg Goal:70Kg Still need to loose: 33.5Kg

I have done it I have run 5Km for the 2nd time in my life and this time in 42mins 39 sec, 2mins better than I did it in last. It was tough and after the first 2.5Km I just wanted to give up and go home but as always my PT would not have any of it... I do think that if it was not for the constant motivation, encouragement or plain annoying remarks of my PT I would have never made it so far: I have lost 6 stones, it has taken 2 years and really the biggest achievement is that I have not stopped I kept going. I had long periods where my weight stayed the same because my food was bad but I kept up the exercise and kept going...
I keep being asked if I am happy about losing the weight? Am I happy? Yes of course I am but I still have so much to lose that I just want to keep going. My absolutely biggest fear is that I will have a binge and then that develops into a days of appalling food then 2-3 days then what is the point it becomes a whole week of take aways.............so I am happy but I am also scared.
The funny thing is that people keep asking me for tips about how to lose weight in reality I am the last person you should ask about it yes I have lost 6 stones but it has taken 2 years...
Anyway I have to face another restaurant this evening with friends: why is my social life always linked with food?

Thursday 10 April 2008

No ivf again this time...

Unfortunately it looks like another ivf cycle that has to be abandoned due to poor response...Difficult to take in, we are reviewing our options at the moment....We are converting this cycle to an IUI.
On top of that although the food has been very good lately I have been spending time imagining all sorts of food I would like to have I am having a fixation on chips with lots of salt and vinegar.Of course the proper ones from the chippie and not the oven ones.... Also Krispy Kreme donuts I am spending a lot of time at work thinking about them........

Of course the worst possible time will be the 2 weeks after the iui waiting to see if it has worked.

Sunday 6 April 2008

3rd time lucky?

Weight 105 Kg Goal:70Kg Still need to loose: 35Kg

After a very good week food and gym wise I have only lost one pound! Disappointing to say the least, usually this would be enough to make me want to stop and eat everything in sight but this time I am trying to be realistic...1 pound less is still 1 pound less.

It is official we have started our 3rd ivf treatment, I so much want to be able to complete this treatment (previous 2 attempts had to be abandoned due to poor response on my part...).

It feels unfair I know ivf does not work for everyone and it is a heartbreaking process but not to be able to have a go at it seems even more unfair!.

Anyway let s hope 3rd time lucky....

It is so difficult to manage my own expectations: i do not want to be negative (what is the point of doing it then?) but at the same time I cannot afford the luxury of hope. Hoping and then getting the crushing negative results is to difficult to deal with.

Wednesday 2 April 2008

A quick peek does it count?

I could not resist, I had to have a peak: I had to get on the scales this morning....I did not last 3 days without checking. What an obsession! Anyway the good news is that it is going in the right direction. It looks like I should be starting on the ivf treatment soon..... and I am really excited. Could it be 3rd time lucky? I just want to get to the egg collection stage that in itself would be an achievement! If that does not work we seriously need to consider egg donation....Mixed feelings about that.....

Tuesday 1 April 2008

Courage needed....

Things are going well on the food front. Gym is going OK (did 4K today but not in one go, of which 2.5k I did in just over 21 mins).

So why am I having doubts about the 5K race....It is funny how for most people 5K is just not even a challenge and for me it is a mountain to climb. The issue I have is that 5K running outside is harder than 5K on the treadmill and I do not seem able to do 5K easily on the treadmill. I really do not want to fail and like always my fear of failure is making me have second thoughts. I sometimes wish I could live my life without this fear of failure....that could be a pretty interesting life.

I also want some changes in the gym so I was looking at the different classes available but again my fear would not let me know give it a go....what if I am the biggest person in the class?(Very Likely). what if I can keep it up? I have no sense coordination, what if everyone else looks at me?

Gosh being fat is hard work but then again some people are happy being overweight I am just not one of them.