No of course you do not get the opportunity to buy any of the usual fitness gear if you are over a size 16. It must be a crime against good manners to exercise at my size 20. I have emailed one of the big corporation asking them why they have a size XXL but nothing in it....I will let you know the update. Wondering if there is a business opportunity there.
The big change is that I have decided to stop weighing myself every day. This is going to require self discipline as it is a habit of a life time. However I think this is only creating agony. My weight varies a lot in a week, mainly due to hormonal changes so no point in checking every day. Let s see if I can be true to my word....
Dinner out yesterday went well all in a very controlled manner, I had t endure watching everyone having desert while I pretend I was too full to have anything else. In 2 years I have only told a handful of people what I am doing....A lot of people have noticed my weight-loss and comment on it but I do not offer any explanations. I am actually very bad at taking compliments. I do not know why but doing it in secret seems easier....
Weight Loss
Sunday 30 March 2008
Saturday 29 March 2008
The Week-End
Weight 105.5 Kg Goal:70Kg Still need to loose: 35.5Kg
The week-end has always been my weakest time. No structure, time to myself I seem to realise that life is for living and not constantly watching what you eat. Of course this is how I convince myself that just a packet of crisps would be OK the problem is like for many others for me it is never about 1 packet or moderation....
Anyway the scales were kind this morning so that was a good start however the bad gym session of yesterday is on my mind....I will go again tomorrow to the gym and do better.
In the meantime I have to manage today calorie wise so far so good but tonight eating out. I have cleverly chose the restaurant where i know I can have a healthy dish (steamed fish with vegetables).
There is something very wrong when you chose the restaurant just for their healthy choices.....
The week-end has always been my weakest time. No structure, time to myself I seem to realise that life is for living and not constantly watching what you eat. Of course this is how I convince myself that just a packet of crisps would be OK the problem is like for many others for me it is never about 1 packet or moderation....
Anyway the scales were kind this morning so that was a good start however the bad gym session of yesterday is on my mind....I will go again tomorrow to the gym and do better.
In the meantime I have to manage today calorie wise so far so good but tonight eating out. I have cleverly chose the restaurant where i know I can have a healthy dish (steamed fish with vegetables).
There is something very wrong when you chose the restaurant just for their healthy choices.....
Friday 28 March 2008
Bad day at the gym and big decision
Weight 106Kg Goal:70Kg Still need to loose: 36Kg
I have arrived at the gym with the best intention, excited that the weight seems to go down after a long period of stagnation.....
However i just lacked the energy, motivation to keep going. PT giving me a real hard time about it an the more pressure I was under the less I performed.......
I think only people who have been seriously overweight can understand the indignity of being a fat girl trying to run, the sweat, the real heavy breathing like you are dying almost....and feeling that everyone is looking at you. In reality no one cares in the gym the reasonable side of me knows that however my heart says differently.
The decision I have to make is do I go for an ivf treatment next week or do I wait for 1 month and try to lose some more weight? What do you think?
I have arrived at the gym with the best intention, excited that the weight seems to go down after a long period of stagnation.....
However i just lacked the energy, motivation to keep going. PT giving me a real hard time about it an the more pressure I was under the less I performed.......
I think only people who have been seriously overweight can understand the indignity of being a fat girl trying to run, the sweat, the real heavy breathing like you are dying almost....and feeling that everyone is looking at you. In reality no one cares in the gym the reasonable side of me knows that however my heart says differently.
The decision I have to make is do I go for an ivf treatment next week or do I wait for 1 month and try to lose some more weight? What do you think?
Thursday 27 March 2008
Back in the gym
Weight 106.5Kg Goal:70Kg Still need to loose: 36.5Kg
OK the good news is that I have lost the pound I have put in Rome and some more. I am back at the gym training with my PT. Yes I know I am lucky to have a PT. Very daunting experience but I think he is the only reason I have kept going. Up to when I met him I used to lose some weight and then put it all back on and some more.....Very intense relationship at times too intense. He makes me do things I never thought I could do so it can be a constant battle.
Maybe this explains why I have decided to enter the Race for Life this year...5K walking/running I am so scared I can just about do 5K on a treadmill but in the park I do not know how I will do this....At least it is for a very worthwhile cause. All the images of me HATING PE at school, being the last one to be picked up, the fat one in the corner....How did I end up signing up for this? I know why I can never resist a challenge and now I have to find a way to do it without panicking....
OK the good news is that I have lost the pound I have put in Rome and some more. I am back at the gym training with my PT. Yes I know I am lucky to have a PT. Very daunting experience but I think he is the only reason I have kept going. Up to when I met him I used to lose some weight and then put it all back on and some more.....Very intense relationship at times too intense. He makes me do things I never thought I could do so it can be a constant battle.
Maybe this explains why I have decided to enter the Race for Life this year...5K walking/running I am so scared I can just about do 5K on a treadmill but in the park I do not know how I will do this....At least it is for a very worthwhile cause. All the images of me HATING PE at school, being the last one to be picked up, the fat one in the corner....How did I end up signing up for this? I know why I can never resist a challenge and now I have to find a way to do it without panicking....
Tuesday 25 March 2008
Back from Rome
Weight 107.5Kg Goal:70Kg Still need to loose: 37.5Kg
Rome is a fantastic city and we managed to had a great time despite the news we received and the rain....
I have only put 1 pound so it is not too bad probably due to all the walking we did.
Feeling a lot more positive about ivf we will have one last try at ivf.....then get a second opinion in the UK and depending on what we are told we will then consider going abroad for Donor Eggs.
After some research on the Internet it seems like there are some good options abroad and it feels easier. Need to lose weight now seriously
Rome is a fantastic city and we managed to had a great time despite the news we received and the rain....
I have only put 1 pound so it is not too bad probably due to all the walking we did.
Feeling a lot more positive about ivf we will have one last try at ivf.....then get a second opinion in the UK and depending on what we are told we will then consider going abroad for Donor Eggs.
After some research on the Internet it seems like there are some good options abroad and it feels easier. Need to lose weight now seriously
Wednesday 19 March 2008
Going to Rome....And Bad News
On the day we were flying for Rome we went to see Fertility Dr and apparently after all this time he decided ivf not for us....
So much heartache it felt like I could not breath when he was talking to us.
DH was struggling as well with the news. Anyway he suggested donor eggs overseas. Very difficult to understand his reasoning. I have only had 2 try at ivf both times treatment had to be abandoned as I did not produce enough eggs....
We had the feeling that he wanted to get ride of us we are polluting his stats, he was pushy towards us going overseas.
He reluctantly agreed to one last go at ivf with a different protocol.
We drove to the airport in complete silence so much to take in and some really difficult decisions ahead of us.....
So much heartache it felt like I could not breath when he was talking to us.
DH was struggling as well with the news. Anyway he suggested donor eggs overseas. Very difficult to understand his reasoning. I have only had 2 try at ivf both times treatment had to be abandoned as I did not produce enough eggs....
We had the feeling that he wanted to get ride of us we are polluting his stats, he was pushy towards us going overseas.
He reluctantly agreed to one last go at ivf with a different protocol.
We drove to the airport in complete silence so much to take in and some really difficult decisions ahead of us.....
The Beginning....
Where do I start?
Weight 107KgGoal:70KgStill need to loose: 37.
In the last 2 years and after a lof of effort I have lost 5.5 stones.... I still have 37Kg to lose...As I am struggling to keep going I have decided to keep a record of the journey.
Difficult week ahead I have twisted my ankle and I am struggling with the gym. Saturday was a big day I seemed to eat everything available... today I made up for it by being extra strict (1150Kcal). We are going away to Rome for Easter and I am not sure how I will survive 5 days with all food and no gym. Let s wait and see...
Weight 107KgGoal:70KgStill need to loose: 37.
In the last 2 years and after a lof of effort I have lost 5.5 stones.... I still have 37Kg to lose...As I am struggling to keep going I have decided to keep a record of the journey.
Difficult week ahead I have twisted my ankle and I am struggling with the gym. Saturday was a big day I seemed to eat everything available... today I made up for it by being extra strict (1150Kcal). We are going away to Rome for Easter and I am not sure how I will survive 5 days with all food and no gym. Let s wait and see...
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